Thursday, March 28, 2013

Dear the Internet,

I appreciate what you are trying to do. In a way, it's kind of nice that you try to send me personalized messages when I'm browsing Facebook or reading articles on Cracked. It is very thoughtful of you to show me advertisements for Modcloth or Etsy, two things I'm obviously interested in, rather than the blanket ads for old lady vitamins and chainsaws that I assume you show to strangers. Sometimes, it feels like you really get me. 

But sometimes, you go too far. 

Where I used to see half priced shoes and websites that sold discount Disney movies, I now see leagues of advertisements for online dating sites (because yes, advertisements are measured in nautical distance now). I used to think that was just a glitch, as these ads were placed directly next to ones for engagement rings (why would anyone need both?), but I'm starting to wonder if this was not more deliberate. Are you trying to show me pictures of engagement rings so that I can start to feel lonely and isolated before basically shoving me into an online dating program? Well, it's not going to work! First off, you are an inanimate object and I am not actually located inside a computer, so shoving is already out of the question. Second, you seem to really underestimate (or maybe overestimate... I haven't decided) how much I care!

"Microwave Cooking for One? That's perfect, because you hate to cook and are single!"

But sure, maybe you wanted to start small. You wanted to see how much abuse and humiliation I could take at your hands before really laying it on. 

Well, good job. You've finally succeeded. I didn't mind when I saw nothing but ads for online dating, but now, I can't read an article without half the page being covered in ads for plus-sized clothing. I've never browsed for, looked at, or bought plus-sized clothing, and yet, here it is all over every webpage I bring up. What? Did you look at the pictures from this blog and/or my facebook, run them through some sort of scanner, and decide that I'm not thin enough for regular clothing stores? Even worse, why do all of your models look so depressed? Is it so I'll relate to them after I get sad that apparently the internet as a whole thinks I'm overweight enough to merit exclusively plus-sized clothing? 

Granted, there is nothing wrong with wearing plus-sized clothing, much like there is nothing wrong with being pregnant. But in both cases, it is insulting to just assume that about someone. 

You used to be cool, Internet. What happened?


Jenny "7 Free Pizzas Isn't Enough" C.

1 comment:

  1. League is actually a normal unit of distance equal to about 3.4 miles, it's not nautical.