The 2012 Warrior Dash - Are You a Warrior?

I think it's needless to say that no one has ever considered me a warrior. I'm pretty obviously wimpy (despite what my kickboxing instructor says in an apparent attempt to placate me) and, as I've said before, scared of basically everything. A couple months ago, however, I participated in the Warrior Dash, and tried my darnedest to be just that, a warrior!

Well... I would have tried my darnedest to be just that had I bothered to do any training whatsoever (I hadn't even been running once since the Firefly Run a few weeks prior). To top it off, I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to get donuts and kolaches for everyone that morning. Turns out that they probably weren't the best pre-run meal.

After eating our nutritious breakfast, we all piled into the car and headed out to the site. We parked, boarded the shuttles (which were some pretty fancy school buses, complete with seat belts and a number of people saying things like "in my day, we rode the school bus with no seat belts uphill through the snow"), and arrived at the event. We checked our bags, carefully avoiding the already muddied participants, and decided to catch a peek at some of the action before our wave started.

Spectators were able to watch the very end of the course, which afforded us a pretty good view of the fire that we would be jumping over and the mud that we would be crawling through later. What surprised me in watching some of the earlier waves finish was how many racers were completely adverse to the idea of submerging themselves in mud. We must have watched half a dozen different people try to walk through it daintily (which is difficult with the barbed wire suspended just above the pit) or try to completely bypass it, apparently hoping that the multitude of bystanders and the announcer just plain wouldn't notice (which we obviously did). I'm not saying that swimming neck deep in mud is my favorite thing in the world (more like top 8), but it was basically the only thing I knew about the Warrior Dash going in. I knew there would be running and obstacles and a mud pit that we'd have to crawl/swim through. They advertise the mud pit extensively. Every promotional picture is of someone covered head to toe in mud. How were these racers so surprised that there would be mud? Also, as I learned later when doing the course myself, it wasn't like this was the first mud they'd encountered in the race. They had already gone through a lot of muddy areas and swam across a lake! But whatever...

After watching those mud-hating pansies for a while, Maddy, Sue and I made our way over to the start corral. After a few pictures with the start line announcer (that he insisted on taking and we never actually saw), a quick performance of the Macarena from Maddy and me (you're welcome, everyone), and a countdown, we were off! Our first obstacle (though not technically an obstacle) was to run up and down a bunch of hills. Hundreds of them (or maybe like 8). It was terrible, and it was not long before I realized just how little training I'd done for the dash (or just how many donuts and kolaches I'd eaten that morning). I ran as far as I could, but had to start walking after the first few hills.

Our first actual obstacle was the planks, where we walked up an angled plank with rungs, walked across a narrower plank, then walked down another angled plank. Piece of cake. Maddy and I started running again afterwards, but I couldn't go too far before having to slow to a walk. I told Maddy that she could go on without me if she wanted, as I suspect that she could have still run more, but she's pretty great, so she walked with me. Next, we came to a series of trenches topped with barbed wire that we had to crawl through. A lot of people just kind of crouched and walked through them, but not realizing that was a viable option, I crawled on my hands and knees. Let me tell you, muddy rocks are very uncomfortable on the knees. Farther down the trail, we arrived at the fire poles. Here, we had to climb up these giant steps (where I kind of felt like my baby nephew when he tries going up normal steps), then slide down the fire pole. This was the first actually frightening obstacle that we encountered, because the pole was very high. I never even used to slide down the fire poles at my elementary school playground, even though I was more than half as tall as they were, because the concept frightened me so. Maddy encouraged me though, assuring me that it was easy and not scary and as long as I held on it would be fine. Eventually, I manned up and slid safely to the ground (but without doing the reverse pinwheel that I had learned in those two pole dancing classes I took), and we continued on our way.

Next up were the over/unders, the climb-up/slide-down, and the horizontal cargo net (I'm really good at naming things). The over/unders were just like they sound. We jumped over a fence, then crawled under a fence, and repeated a bunch of times. Unfortunately, I am not strong enough to do that action movie thing where you jump up and leap over kind of on your side...

thusly...

so instead, I just had to jump up and awkwardly hoist myself over each wall...

... gallantly.

At the climb-up/slide-down, we climbed up some beams, and, you guessed it, slid down the other side. That one was a little scary because it was a very steep slide from a high starting point (but mostly scary because the sliding process pulled up my shirt - good news, because I dress in layers, I was able to avoid flashing everyone). At the horizontal cargo net, we climbed up a net to an elevated, horizontal portion, then made our way across it. Most people crawled on all fours across, making sure to stabilize themselves by keeping their feet on the joints; I, on the other hand, just rolled across. I heard some remarks about it being an easy way out or whatever, but as far as I see it, rolling was an efficient and effective way of reaching the same end without actually cutting any corners.

Then, we waded through some crotch-deep muddy water and nearly fell multiple times on very slippery mud, before arriving at the lake. We waded in and hopped down the drop off so that we were about chest-deep in the water, at which point I realized that I could no longer breathe. Apparently, my body went into mini-shock or something due to the cold temperature of the water (something that happened to a large percentage of the participants I talked to afterwards). It was very unpleasant, but Maddy told me to keep taking slow, easy breaths until I acclimated again. Don't worry, I lived (or did I? ooOOooOOoo - because I would be the lame kind of ghost that spends her time blogging). We crossed the lake, climbed over the weird buoy barriers in the middle, and emerged on the other side to continue on our way. Only 5 more obstacles to go!

Slap an ectoplasmic hair bow on there and this is
basically what I would be like

Next were the vertical cargo net, the repelling wall, and the lava pit (seriously, Maddy, if you can think of any better, more descriptive names for these obstacles, I would really appreciate it). At the vertical cargo net, we climbed up and over the same material that I had rolled across earlier like a ladder. At the repelling wall, we held a rope and used it to help us walk up a wall before climbing down the other side. That obstacle wouldn't have been scary if not for the fact that since everyone had just been through the lake, all of the foot holds were covered in slippery mud, but we made it unscathed and no worse for the wear. The lava pit wall was fun, because while I don't think it was their intent, I pretended there was a lava pit beneath me. It was a wall with a tiny foothold ledge and one rope spanning the distance at the top set above a muddy, swampy pit. The number and location of other people on the wall would determine the tautness and sturdiness of the rope we were holding onto, which made it interesting. We made it across (without being burnt to a crisp by the imaginary lava) and headed towards the finale.

Before we could reach the finish line, however, we had to complete the final two obstacles, the very same ones that I had been watching from the sidelines earlier: the fire jump and mud pit. Although I had been a little nervous that I'd be the first person in the history of the Warrior Dash to trip on a rock or something and fall face first into the fire (classic Jenny), it turns out that my fears were unfounded, as I leaped safely over the flames without any dying at all (yay). Finally, it was time for the mud pit. Unlike most of the other mud we had encountered that day, which was usually a few inches of very slippery mud that would suction your feet in and trap you, this was basically a two feet deep pool of muddy water. As a result, I was able to basically float on the top, using just my arms to pull me the whole way. The only two actual dangers of this obstacle were the barbed wire covering the pit (which was easy to avoid if you just got in the mud normally... it was pretty much only the people that must have forgotten this was a mud run and tried to avoid the mud as much as possible by walking upright that could potentially have gotten hurt) and the rocks and stuff that were at the bottom (which I'm pretty sure we all scraped up our legs on a lot).

We emerged from the mud, covered from neck to toe (because even though I knew it was inevitable to get covered, I still had no intention of submerging my head and face as well), and made it to the finish line to get our medals! Hooray!

We met up with Jeff, Liz, and Sue (Jeff and Liz had been in the wave before ours) and made a bee line to fire hose station to get hosed off. After changing into some relatively mud free clothes and donating our muddy disgusting shoes to their we'll-clean-these-up-and-give-them-to-people-who-need-shoes program (or alternatively, their we-know-you-never-want-to-handle-these-shoes-again-so-we'll-take-them-off-your-hands program), we donned our free warrior hats began the actual main event of the day, eating turkey legs and day drinking.

We enjoyed the live bands (with hilarious backup dancers) and saw a number of costumed competitors.

We also made some friends, Disney princess style.

This is only one of many butterflies that hung out with
us all afternoon. They were very friendly.

After getting sufficiently sunburned to prove to our friends and co-workers that we did actually come here, we started the long drive home. Never had a long shower and nap on the couch been so refreshing.

So how did we do?
It took me 1:03:51 to finish the course, which puts me in the top 84.6%.
It's not as fast as I would have liked, but with no training, a lot of breakfast, and ample amounts of terror, my time was not as terrible as I was expecting.

From left to right: Liz, Sue, Jeff, Maddy, and me

Have you ever done an adventure race? Did you ever watch Danny Phantom? Are you totally jealous of our hats?

P.S. Maddy, thanks for pacing yourself to me when I couldn't run anymore or took forever to finish the obstacles. I know that you could have finished the dash much faster had I not been slowing you down, and I appreciate it.