Friday, August 31, 2012

"You're leveling up your bodies!"

I've made no secret of the fact that for the vast majority of my time on this planet, I have utterly despised running.

Udderly?

Over the past couple years, however, I've been trying my darnedest to change that (if you replace "trying my darnedest" with "occasionally starting then shortly thereafter quitting running programs"). With each attempt, I've noticed that in spite of myself, I'm actually improving as a runner. I may not be able to run as long or far as I could last March (when I could run almost twenty minutes at a time - a huge accomplishment for me), but at least I can finish my Week 4 run from my couch-to-5k program with relative ease. It wasn't long ago that merely jogging for a minute or two would leave me unable to breathe and riddled with stitches, so being able to run for 5 minutes at a time without whimpering, developing blisters, or getting that weird itchy leg syndrome* is kind of a big deal! In fact, since restarting my program a few weeks ago, the only obstacle/show stopper I've had to deal with has been the insect that flew into my eye mid-run last night (and people say my eye phobia is irrational... pshaw). Much to my surprise, I've been able to progress through the program rather quickly this time around, and have actually enjoyed going out for my late night jaunts (I only run late at night because the rest of the time I am either asleep or the earth is plagued with summer sunlight).

What I'm trying to say, is that I no longer find running unbearable.

But for years, I avoided running (along with most other exercise) at all costs. Like Robert Brockway says in his cracked.com article 4 Stunning Revelations An Idiot Has About Running, "the only way I was running anywhere was if there was a lion behind me and an ice cream truck in front of me."

Actually, a lot of his article rang true with me. That's actually the only reason that I decided to post about running again today... I just really wanted to share the hilarity of this article. I've included a few of his gems below

Re: being teased in school for not being as athletic in gym class as the others:
"Exercise was forever cemented in my mind as 'that weird thing pretty people do with their limbs sometimes'"

Re: wearing fitness attire for the first time:
"Legs [are] capable of extending beyond 15 degrees," and "non-running shoes are like clumsy foot prisons"

Re: runner's high:
"Runner's aren't all lying scumbags!"

Re: seeing improvement:
"I'm going to phrase it in the most awkward, nerdy and embarrassing way that I can think of, so as to make you feel as bad about yourselves as possible: You're leveling up your bodies" ... "And don't worry: any day now, I'll be in good enough shape to beat myself up for that analogy."

I really like this article because not only has it been one of the very few fitness-related ones I've seen on cracked.com, but it's very relate-able for those of us who are still in the very beginning stages of the running cycle. Go check it out!


*Note: the itchy leg syndrome I refer to is that itchy feeling you can get when running or walking after long periods of inactivity or a sedentary lifestyle - it's caused by the capillaries in our muscles expanding to meet the demand for increased blood flow. Thanks, Google!



UPDATE:

After uploading this post, Teddy Westside was kind enough to send me this comic from xkcd.com that fits quite nicely. See it for yourself here!

"I haven't had the patience for RPGs in a long time."

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